Whenever you hear about the ‘glory days’ your mind usually imagines someone in their twenties, it is as though our minds immediately associate recklessness and freedom both financially and responsibility with that age. More often than not, that is the age that the majority of people can recall all of the crazy things they got up to, the stupid boys who broke their heart and their most incredible/ worst sex. I can’t help but wonder if I am living my life to the fullest as someone solidly in their twenties? Will I have these stories to share when I am older?
There are many factors that shape a person, and to me one of the biggest ones is university. You learn many huge life lessons while going there: how to afford going out with £5, living off a can of beans, staying out till 6am and pulling complete all-nighters in the library. There are also many lessons you learn not going to university, like: getting a full-time job, becoming financially independent and being thrown into the grown up world kicking and screaming but eventually adapting in your own way. I was the second one, and it’s not as if I crave these experiences as I do not think university would have suited me, I do wonder whether it would have shaped me differently as a person. I realise that this is an irrational thought, but the wonderful overthinking part of my brain is taking charge and filling it with the awful ‘what-if’.
Because of not going to uni, I have had to be financially independent since I was 18, don’t get me wrong I have the most incredible family and have been very lucky that I’ve never had to pay a lot in rent – but I have never experienced the beauty of a student loan, and that knowing that you can do whatever you want with it. Because of this, I have experienced that shitty situation of having to let someone down and the inevitable guilt and frustration that fills every part of your body like rising heat. Despite already having plans, that no doubt will be so much fun and an incredible experience, I find myself thinking ‘ugh I never do anything fun’ as I had to say no to an event, not considering that I have two incredible ones coming up. I know this feeling will pass, and it is a problem that I need to conquer on my own, but man it is hard.
I constantly worry that I am old beyond my time, as it is a constant joke between me and Nick that I am the granny because I love going to sleep, reading books and aren’t as ‘wild’ as most people my age. But, I wonder is that actually a bad thing? Most of the things I do is because I don’t want to damage my body and like looking after it as much as I can (there are occasions where I really don’t treat it as well as I could) and bloody hate hangovers and suffer with them so terribly. Don’t get me wrong, I will still get drunk and suffer the next day, but I don’t have that need to go and get fucked every weekend.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t ever get drunk because trust me I do, but sometimes the idea of getting up early and going to a farmers market, having breakfast and then going for a big walk somewhere sounds ever so much more appealing. And, to me that is fun and I know that I need to learn that ‘fun’ doesn’t just involve getting drunk – sometimes it’s about buying an overly expensive candle from a stall in a market that you’ll probably never use.
As much as I don’t like to feel influenced by society, sometimes spending a Friday night in watching Love Island I sometimes get a panicky feeling like ‘shit, should I be out getting paralytic right now?’. It’s hard to find yourself in your twenties, and I believe it’s a constant battle of learning what you actually want to do and what you believe is expected of you. Who is to say society are doing it better than the rare few, I have found that more and more younger people are opting for going out for dinner/ cocktails/ Netflix and chill (oh aye) because not only is alcohol oh so expensive but there are a hell of a lot more stuff to do these days. If you are the kind of person that loves going out every weekend then absolutely fair play to you because this gal needs her sleep.
What do you guys think?